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Friday, 8 November 2013

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Single And Happy Quotes Biography

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whether it's in the woods, on a boat, at the bottom of a cocktail glass, or between the covers of a great novel. This desire for detachment doesn’t stem from being an asshole — in fact, men feel lonelier than women after a breakup — but sometimes we just have to shut out the outside world, including the fairer sex. Sometimes we just have to be single. And science has something to say about that.

"A man about town, to use a dated reference, is looking for a neurobiological high," says psychologist Laurie Helgoe, author of Introvert Power, who wrote this month's Psychology Today cover story on introverts and extroverts. The latter's brains "have less stimulation in the background, so they're always looking for the next fix from outward-directed, high-intensity, carefree interactions like going to bars and parties, and dating new people."

Not all men need this high — plenty of us are happy in monogamous relationships — but some are wired differently. And pretending you want to commit, when your heart yearns for freedom, is a recipe for disaster. Because, several top cognitive-science experts say, you can wind up more isolated with a partner than you would by yourself.

John T. Cacioppo, director of the Center for Cognitive and Social Neuroscience at the University of Chicago, explains that "being alone and being lonely are not the same thing, but they're both stigmatized in our society." It's why people who prefer solitude nevertheless look for relationships out of guilt — but feel even guiltier once they're in one. This is "not healthy, physically or mentally," says Cacioppo. "A happy single person is just as healthy as a happy married person."

There are good reasons to remain single, if you're not the codependent type. You'll have more time for whatever makes you feel alive — advancing your career, exploring your artistic streak, satisfying your wanderlust, or fighting for your political ideals. You won't feel like there's a choice between abandoning your soul mate and pursuing your dreams. Oh yeah, the sex with as many women as you want isn't bad either.

It all comes down to your (fifty percent inherited) level of oxytocin, a hormone that affects bonding. If you're born with more, you'll probably show affection and trust; if you're born with less, well, a ball and chain might not be your thing. But there are non-romantic interpersonal relationships that can make your life meaningful.

Single men "may have closer friendships" than their committed counterparts, according to psychologist Bella DePaulo, author of Singled Out: How Singles Are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After. "When some men get married, their friends get placed on the back burner — the grooms have found a new confidante — but when it doesn't work out, they've lost all the people in their lives and have to go crawling back."

There’s a catch, of course: You're a man, but more importantly you're a human — and humans eventually need companionship that goes beyond sharing pitchers of beer with your buddies. You're going to advance in years, your body is going to fall apart, and going through it alone is no fun.

Harry K. Wexler, director of the Center for Aging, Sexuality and Meaning and blogger for Psychology Today, has been married twice. He now celebrates the single life, and believes that "one of the great underrated emotions in life is loneliness," but it's far from easy as your sunset years approach.

"One of the biggest challenges of being single long-term is the inevitability of death," Wexler says. "You won't grow old and die with someone, and you must have the courage to face that."

So perhaps the ideal, as men have practiced it for millennia, is to experience single life to the fullest in our youths and settle down when the time feels right. Because you don't want to be that guy who shows up to keggers with gray hair and wrinkles, trying to pick up women half your age.

As Wexler puts it: "The real problem with being an older single guy is that women my age look like my mother — and I don't want to have sex with my mother — but I look like younger women's grandfather, and they don't want to do that either!"